I'm on a bridge. Between giving up, and finding hope.

And, well. It's the same old shit I haven't gotten over, since I was born. I've always pretended, and I've always pitied myself. I cry too easily, I stress over simple things, when people...they have it so much worse. I don't consider what others could be going through. I fake being a person, or multiple people, that I'm not, so as to maybe feel the same pain, or to go through the same pity, when it sn't any true pain i feel myself. I don't do my work. Because I'm stupid. I procrastinate like hell, and now I don't even get work done at the last minute. Even now, im supposed to be doing work. I could be doing something productive. And not complaining.

I don't read all current events, though I want to passionately care about them. I want to be a vegetarian, but selfishly Im waiting until after the France trip, so I don't have nutrition prblems there. I want to support every cause,but i just read the basic info and then say I'm a supporter. I want to be okay, but then I make myself see things worser than they are. I tell people things that should be kept secret, because its not they're thing tom worry about, because I selfishly want someone else to know about it.

I want to be with him after I broke his heart, and he's made some good connections with people and moved on with his life for the better.

I hinder people, because I hinder myself. I end up making people feel bad for me, when they shouldnt need to worry about me at all.

I keep telling myself I don't know who I am. Yet, I know if I keep telling myself, I'll never figure that out.

I'm a shit, shit, shitty friend. When I finally catch up with friends, I have to go, sometimes for no reason. And even if I hear things are going terribly, and you know, I realize I need to be there for them. It's my job as a friend. It's the right thing as a human being.

I don't call back for weeks.


I think I want things when I can't have them. But I don't actually have the guts to work for them.

I just wish I would finally change. And that's all I do, is wish. I work, and then stop. I don't work hard to keep good frienships, relationships, grades, relationship with family, conversation going, i just give up. And I want to see that might be all I end up doing is giving up. But im complaining like a pussy ass wimp. I want to be a different person. A better person. But why the hell would I deserve to be different, if I'm not going to do anything great with it.


I'm going to stpo here. But i know i don't h ave it as bad as other people, I jus insist on going down for soome reason. I wish I could give my life to someone who doens't have it as good, So they had a chance to make a difference in this cycle our population revolves on.Maybe they could change it.


I'm apologize to the greatest extent-to everyone I know. And to everyone I don't. Time has been wasted; Time you would work hard for. And I regret that. and I regret the change that probably won't happen.

I'm sorry.